MY INTERNET INFERIORITY COMPLEX

Two weeks ago, I was writing this blog fairly anonymously... churning out maybe two posts a month and sharing them only with my 25 twitter followers and a couple of family members. I don't make much of an effort to share this blog with people. Here's why--

It's a hell of a lot easier to write when you think nobody's paying attention. I like the invisibility. In fact, it's become a very close friend.

Last week, after I posted a blurb written by my friend Marcie, something different happened. Marcie has more confidence than I do. When she does something, she rarely has reservations about sharing it with other folks. Naturally, after I posted her "Ugly Betty" article, she told people about it on facebook.

To my great surprise, after Marcie's advertising, a few friends of mine wrote on my wall to tell me that they related to a few of my previous entries. Someone even texted me, asking if he might contribute an article. This made me happy because I didn't think anybody really noticed.

But now I'm in a predicament.

I used to consider implementing facebook to let my friends know about this blog, but something always held me back -- my insecurities. Sharing my thoughts on facebook is more daunting to me than sharing them on twitter just because more people see my facebook. I have a little less than 300 "friends" (modest by a lot of peoples' standards) -- it's a nice handful of potential eyes.

And even though 90% of them would never click on a link I post, I still get very bashful. Why is this? Am I really worried that people are going to laugh at me? Or call me stupid? Or talk about me behind my back, saying "wow, what a nerd-- the audacity she must have to think we care about 10 reasons she likes The Sopranos"?

You BET I worry about that kind of stuff... because I know I'd talk smack about you if you started a blog. I'd think you were a loser with no social life to speak of, so you had to start using the internet to let out your many feelings. You know I'd make fun of you for thinking you had something meaningful to preach about movies or politics or pop culture or life...

I'd criticize and laugh at you to make myself feel better. I'm insecure. The way I build myself up is to tear other people down. It's always been my way of life, BUT I bet it's always been your way of life too. We're human. It's what we do. In some form or fashion, we're always trying to dominate over each other.

And don't get me started about how the internet just helps to perpetuate our social shortcomings. It's so easy to hide behind screens and not have to own up to our thoughts, or even our physical appearances.

It's easy to have fake confidence. We talk up a storm over the internet, even approach people we admire or have crushes on, but when we try talking to those people in person, it's unbearably nerve-wrecking and sweaty.

All this to make the statement - I think I really need to own up to myself and take credit for what I have to say.

Let this be a proclamation. From here on out, you're going to get a story every so often on your facebook newsfeed that says I've written a new blog entry. Odds are you'll probably keep scrolling on down and not give it a second thought... but maybe you'll take a look at it. Maybe it will give you something to chuckle about for a minute or two, even if that something is me and what a foolish dork I am for taking my imaginary audience to seriously.

I don't care. I am who I am. I enjoy writing. I enjoy blogging. I like to share my silly little thoughts on the internet. And I like to make fun of you, just as much as you like to make fun of me.

So, let's all start blogs and say hi to each other when we pass in the street. Okay -- the latter might take a little more time and effort... but that's neither here, nor there.

At the risk of having made myself sound a little too self-deprecating and cynical...

Ciao for now.

UGLY BETTY & ME (by guest contributor Marcelena Mayhorn)

Friends and readers! A milestone is occurring as today this blog welcomes its first guest contributor! Please put your hands together and join me in giving a big Loco-style welcome to Marcelena Mayhorn.

My first college roommate, Marcie is a dear pal and downright lovely individual. What? You've never heard of her?! Okay, she's not Pauline Kael or anything... BUT she does currently reside in Austin, Texas where she's trying to pay rent by doing something that makes her happy, i.e. - nothing that involves cash registers, customers, uniforms or taking out trash. But seriously, she's a self-proclaimed optimist. She also likes UGLY BETTY a lot, which is why for her LOCO MUSINGS debut (and first blog entry ever) she's chosen to write a thank you letter of sorts to that bespectacled TV optimist we know as Betty Suarez.

Take it away, Ms. Mayhorn!



It is 12:57 A.M on a Friday night. One would think I would be out drinking the night away at the usual bar I inhabit, but tonight I wasn't feeling it. Tonight, I decided to stay in and watch the final episode of UGLY BETTY. And now, I can't shake this sadness. Let me explain...

I started film school four years ago. At about the same time, the show UGLY BETTY was premiered on ABC. I read about it, not quite sure what its premise was, but nonetheless I went about my business. It wasn't until my mother told me that she was a regular fan only after a few episodes that I started to become slightly intrigued, though I would never tell anyone this. The show revolves around around Betty Suarez, a 22-year-old Mexican-American girl trying to succeed at her job of personal assistant to the executive of a fashion magazine in New York City. Betty of course does not fit the "fashion" mold at all, with her frizzy hair, horrible red glasses and, most notably, her shining silver braces. She fits the description of "ugly". I watched a few episodes with my family, bouncing from season to season with word of mouth descriptions of what was happening and general boredom. Finally though, in the winter of my 4th year of college, I decided to give Betty a shot. I found a used copy of Season 1, and my friends and I embarked on a Betty path. I think it is safe to say that we went for two weeks straight watching at least one episode a day. We couldn't tear ourselves away from it.

The show struck me in a way that I did not think possible, and for one reason only - I could relate to everything that Betty was going through. Here was a girl trying to gain respect in a world so different from her own. She wasn't the "type" of girl that people were used to; she was ridiculed, taken advantage of, and pushed to quit. But Betty didn't... She faced every challenge with her head held high, even if she was afraid. She taught me that it is okay to be different. During my four years at school, I have constantly questioned myself and my abilities, asking myself almost every day if this is what I'm really meant to do. Seeing a show like this gave me hope - that I too, am just like Betty Suarez. Yes, being Mexican-American is part of it, but really that hard work pays off, and that, as cheesy as it may sound, dreams really do come true.

SPOILER ALERT I just finished watching the final episode of the show. It was recently cancelled on ABC, and the final episode premiered this past week. And I must admit - I was a little disappointed with the ending. But then I took a few minutes and thought about it... And, what do you know? I cried. Because in the end, Betty got what she wanted. At first I thought, "Wow, big surprise, Betty runs her own magazine now, that's what she's always wanted, no twists whatsoever." But then I remembered the past four seasons of the show, and how every episode was a new obstacle for Betty to conquer, and how it has taken her four years to achieve this goal. I cried harder because this show is coming to close just as my college career is ending. It's almost as if Betty herself has been embarking on this journey with me, telling me that everything is going to be alright, and that every day is an obstacle we must hurdle in order to achieve that dream of ours.

Betty got what she wanted, and I know that I will too. Because of her, I have learned to also keep my chin up, to battle the Whilimena's and Amanda's and the rest of the world that might not think I am capable of much, and to prove that I am anything but "ugly," just as she did.

I will miss you so much, Betty Suarez. I will never forget your heart and soul, your fumblings and bumblings and your cheesy smile. But I will always carry you in my heart, along with my own Ugly Betty, to show that people like you and I have the world in our hands. And we're not going to let people forget it. - Marcie Mayhorn

SILENCE IS GOLDEN

A couple of years ago, I was sitting in a film school class, receiving feedback for a script that I wrote. Reception was fairly positive and people were nice. However, one particular criticism really crept up on me and kicked me in the butt. My classmates said that my protagonist felt invisible to them -- that she wasn't as out there or interesting as the other characters in the script. This note really vexed me. Okay... she was a quiet, almost silent character, but that didn't mean she was supposed to be uninteresting. She was the protagonist... How could she not be fascinating?

Then, a few months later, I was watching the DVD commentary on the THE LITTLE MERMAID. In it, directors John Musker and Ron Clements mentioned something along the lines of how when they were developing their script, people felt that their protagonist, Ariel, wasn't a very strong presence... that she didn't really pop in the script. Musker and Clements told such doubters to wait and see what happened on screen.

And SEE, they did. After watching THE LITTLE MERMAID, it's difficult to imagine that Ariel was ever a character that lacked "presence," or that she was passive and uninteresting. I think she's one of the most easily accessible characters in all of cinema, but that's just me.

It's fascinating to note, however, that (having traded her voice to an evil sea witch) Ariel is silent for nearly the entire second half of the movie.

I'm not comparing my skills as a screenwriter to those of the Disney story department that birthed an entire animation renaissance...

... but I don't think it's a coinkydink that we got the same notes on our scripts. I DO think it's hard to convey a character who doesn't say very much, and whose primary actions are movements and facial expressions. Limited to mere verbs and descriptive words on a page, it's hard to transmit to a reader or an audience the feelings of silent characters. This is all because the dramatic potency of a person who speaks very little lies in the realm of the SEEN.

Oftentimes, I think we (especially writers) tend to forget that the film medium began in silence without the benefit of dialogue to help get ideas across. In an environment where the ante is constantly being upped with big, loud, perilous action sequences and ever-evolving 3-dimensional lushness, we can forget the sheer power of a person's face -- of glances and stifled smiles.

Cool camera moves or 3-dimensionality can only be as riveting as the subject matter that they are capturing -- and few subjects are as engaging (or confounding) as a human being in conflict, particularly if that human being is in conflict within him/herself.

The main purpose for my writing this blog entry is not to preach or nag, but to celebrate and advocate. Though they may not necessarily "pop" on the page, silent or quiet characters are a total asset to movies. And darn it, I just love watching them. I feel more for a character who I SEE trying to hide his tears than I do for one who tells me that he feels bad. This is the very nature of subtext (you know that thing where people never say what they mean, or mean what they say). The whole reason for subtext and the like is that we don't trust what we're told. Rather, we glom onto what we see -- what we can interpret for ourselves... the very stuff that makes film a truly splendid medium.

If you've made it this far into the entry, you're probably scratching your head, wondering if these ramblings have some sort of REAL point. Here--

Recently, to increase my Disney buff-dom, I watched all the studio's 2D animated "classics" in chronological order. Of the many staggering conclusions that I drew from this study, one left a nice impression on me.

Plain and simple -- many Disney films are among our culture's most memorable. Why? For the same reason that Charlie Chaplin's films endure today. They rest their hats on non-verbal communication -- the physical language, the universal language... the language that can easily be dubbed for release in other countries. It's facial expressions, body language and glorious songs that reveal the contents of one's soul and innermost desires. The reason Disney films (at their best) are so undeniably resonant and popular is that they utilize the two original facets of filmmaking -- image and music. No punches pulled.




After thinking about Dumbo's self-esteem issues, about Tinkerbell's quiet shift in morality, about Dopey's puppy-like innocence, and yes... about Ariel's voiceless yearning... I came to the conjecture that the movies of today should each have at least one silent (or quiet) presence...

But then I thought about some recent awesome film characters like SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE's Jamal Malik, or Benjamin Button, or even BLACK SWAN's Nina Sayers -- characters who keep it on the inside, who have feelings and desires that are ripping at the seams, waiting to come out...

And through all of it, I realize that most of the people who can get a movie made have some sense of what they're doing. They pepper their films with brilliant silent moments -- even if it takes a little more effort to spot them. So maybe I should stop theorizing about what's best for cinema and, like the characters that I so cherish, just keep my yap shut.

On that note, ciao for now.